Today is the start of a beautiful day.

This past week has been really great. We’ve been having great ideas, great meetings, and getting a lot of solid work done. The metrics on iminlikewithyou are quite good. Ken is working with us now, an excellent developer, and an old friend of mine from Japan. EJ continues to amaze me. And Roger is working on a game that everyone will be talking about on the internet.

Personally, I’ve been working out everyday, eating better, trying to sleep more. I’m in love. Life is good.

However..

Since the start of the week, I’ve had a ringing in my right ear.

It started slight - like the buzzing you get when you come home from a loud concert. But everyday, it got progressively worse. I ignored it as much as possible.

Yesterday, it got to the point where I was having a hard time sleeping. So naturally, I thought I would turn to the internet to diagnose my medical problems and maybe browse for some new ones.

After a quick search, Wikipedia was pretty quick to let me know that I have Tinnitus.

Tinnitus seems pretty depressing. It is a constant ringing in the ear that doesn’t ever go away. You just have to live with it. I was comforted by the fact that over 50 million people live with it everyday. But not comforted by the fact that like Beethoven, Moby, Sting, and Lars Ulrich, I would eventually become dead, or at the very least, a total d-bag.

After an hour of thinking of all the benefits of having a legitimate excuse not to have conversations with people anymore, I did some more research. Wikipedia failed to tell me that the most common cause of Tinnitus is impacted ear wax.

So I went and got me some ear drops with a plastic syringe.

I spent the next 5 hours dropping murine in my ear impatiently. It seemed to only make things worse. My right ear was completely clogged and I could hear anything except a constant and very loud ringing in my ear.

I talked to God. Sometimes I do that when I need stuff. I told Him that if he fixed this incredibly annoying ear thing, I’d give up masturbation. I mean, it’s not like I believe in God - but I need Him to think that I do. He does follow me on Tumblr.

I was pathetic and totally exhausted so I passed out.

3am - my phone is ringing. I can’t hear out of my right ear. I answer the phone. It’s Rackspace letting me know that their datacenter was down for 30 minutes resulting in yet another catastrophic blow to Rackspace’s already shitty reputation. Thanks assholes.

I’m completely frustrated with my ear so I start flushing it with warm water from the syringe. I can feel something starting to happen. Something loosened and flew out of my ear.

Immediately, I could hear again. Crystal clear. In fact, if there was an ant 3 blocks away, I would be able to hear every step it took. The feeling was amazing. I felt superhuman.

I looked down to see what came out of my ear. It could only be described as pure evil. It was a long cylinder of black wax. It was like every single bad thing about New York City crawled into my ear, made it their apartment, and had a party. Disgusting, really.

So life is all good. I feel great. And while I’m sure I will eventually become dead, and in short order, a total d-bag, Tinnitus won’t be the reason. Oh - and sorry God. One hour hour after you worked Your miracle - I’m not keeping up my end of the bargain. It’s easy to ignore You when I don’t need shit.